Tuesday, 25 October 2016

The Familiarity of Pain

You know there is a familiarity in pain? The hollowness inside your chest. The burning eyes yet no sign of tear. The bleakness ahead. The unbelievable urge to fall asleep and never wake up again? Who says willing to live is the strongest instinct? Sometimes you badly want to die, just to make the pain stop. And it feels all so familiar. Like a nightmarish déjà vu came back to haunt you. Like an old neighbour or a batchmate that you lost contact with, but never forgot their face. When an old pain creeps up back into your life you feel shocked at first. Wow! Do I know you? Have we met before? Pain smiles and replies, “Remember when you had your heart shattered into pieces?”

Sunday, 23 October 2016

Quote of the Week

It's 3 a.m. I'm still awake. I'm losing sleep. I'm losing myself.

I'm losing you.

So I write tonight. I write for everyone of us who has suffered.
Every one of us who is broken.
Every one of us who has a damaged soul.
Every one of us whose brilliant scarlet became just another red.

This is for us, the broken ones.

And for the ones who broke us in two.

-- Nikita Gill | Why I Write at 3 am

Saturday, 22 October 2016

Sikkim Revisited/2

Our next morning started with fog and rain again. I was beginning to fear that rain was not going to leave us during our whole trip. However as long as I was away from my godawful regular life, nothing could make me upset, let alone some rain.

Today was Monday. We started our city tour after having breakfast at Baker’s Cafe. I had been to all the places before so I was supposed to feel less enthusiastic. Instead I was feeling the sheer joy of homecoming.

On the way to Sir Tashi Namgyal Institute of Tibetology

At Enchey Monastery
We did not get to see anything from Tashi view point as expected. Sky was still cloudy but fortunately the rain had stopped. We met two incredibly friendly dogs at the top. One almost shoved his nose in my chest and was not at all ready to let me go. Last time we had had lunch at this roadside restaurant here. Great local food with beautiful view for free. It was nice to find nothing had changed much there. I could even spot the smiling old man pouring rounds of warm water from table to table just like the last time.

At Gonjung Monastery
By the time the cab dropped us back at M G Marg the sun had finally come out. The whole promenade was gleaming in the late afternoon’s bright sunlight.

They reminded me of Joey and Ross. If you are a FRIENDS fan you would get the reference.

I had packed enough warm clothing thinking that Sikkim would be chilly enough in autumn. My prediction failed me miserably. Except a slight chill in the air at night Gangtok was exceptionally warm. Even in the rain my teeth were not chattering. I thanked myself for leaving out the maroon pullover at the last moment.

After spending two days at Gangtok we headed for Pelling the next morning. Our driver Arun told us that the usual route was blocked due to the occurrence of landslides a few days ago. So we would have to go via Rawangla which would take us one additional hour to reach at our destination.

Road turned foggy as we neared the Temi tea garden – Sikkim’s famous organic tea plantation. I kept looking out of the window at the outstretched slopes of hills covered in green blanket on both sides of the road as our car ran past in between.

For lunch we halted at Rawangla bazaar. The pristine beauty of Rawangla was entirely new for me. I had been to other parts of Sikkim but Rawangla was totally different. The same landscape with such a mesmerising charm that I remained rooted to the spot admiring the view. Rawangla was on our itinerary after Pelling. And after witnessing its beauty we were glad that we were coming back. See you soon Rawangla.

(To be continued)

Sorry about the bad quality of writing. It is short and not up to the mark. I did not feel content after finishing it. So I am compensating it with the photographs. It isn't easy to rant on about happy memories while having repeated bouts of anxiety attacks. I could hardly concentrate while writing. I hope to feel better by the time I sit down to pen the next part.