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Showing posts from 2017


When all else fails Go back Go back where it all started Stay there Lie on the grass Look at the sky You will realize That you were never alone How the constellations Were looking after you All along Then try to read Their open book And you will see How they have maintained The journal of your Each tear And laughter How they have painted The whole sky With your colours And then give in Give in to the trees To the earth To the sky To the stars Shed your clothes
Shed your name Become nothing You will find everything You have been looking for This whole time.

Jhargram Unfinished

Wherever I go, whatever I experience there is one thought that is always in my mind along with other fleeting ones. Will I be able to blog about this? Well yes, I take blogging way too seriously, even though it is not my profession (read I do not earn a single penny from blabbering crap here). During my entire stay in the miserable town of Midnapore I tried very hard to experience everything with utmost optimism so that I could come back and tell stories about it. Human mind has its own way of processing things and memories can more or less always be recalled with a certain degree of detachment and sometimes with humour. So now when I look back at the events I can reminisce in a more amusing tone. But don’t mistake it with my actual state of mind when I was living those incidents.
I had a lot of expectations about our day trip to Jhargram. I was eager to see the beauty of forest in monsoon. I wanted to follow the trail through the woods that wound down to the bank of Dulung River. I …

Quote of the Week

I lied and said I was busy. I was busy; but not in a way most people understand. I was busy taking deeper breaths. I was busy silencing irrational thoughts. I was busy calming a racing herat. I was busy telling myself I am okay. Sometimes, this is my busy, and I will not apologize for it.

-- Brittin Oakman

The Love Room

Lately the general mood on my blog had been too heavy and serious. I had to break it. So here goes the post that I have been meaning to publish for a while but somehow it was getting delayed. I am perhaps the only blogger in the world who could visit a place and then blog about it three months later. In my defence I utter the same cliché. Better late than never.
I first came to know about this place from a friend. The Love Room is Calcutta's first pet friendly cafe. The two owners of the cafe have nine dogs who are the USP of the place. There is a separate place for the pets here where they roam freely and play with the visitors.
The day we visited we got to meet Igor the husky, Tipsy the terrier (?) and I don't remember the name of the little ball of fur who was more interested in taking naps than mingling with the crowd. I tell you, that's my spirit animal. Tipsy seemed more interested in male visitors and his apparent favourite activity was to hump on their legs.

The f…


I have Generalised Anxiety Disorder. I suffer from terrible insecurity and the fear of being persecuted by people around me. The fear has grown so stronger over the years (not to mention how many times it got validated on several occasions) that I no longer trust people. So much that I feel even scared to maintain my own diary. So blogging helps. This is a kind of virtual diary where I can talk freely yet not spill out all the secrets. Life is not easy for people like us. Especially in a country or society where you are not considered as sick unless you have a terminal disease. Even viral fever will bring you empathy and attention. But go and tell people that you have Borderline Personality Disorder so your emotional quotient is like a third degree burn patient and you will see how the stares turn suspicious. They will go home and discuss at night what a scary crazy person you are. But somehow over the years I have started to become more unabashed about who I am. I am on my way to le…

Quote of the Week

Don't fall in love with me. Not unless you're ready for a God damn fight. I don't want frailty, or fiction and fairy tales. I want you to be irrational, because I'm irrational. Be bold. Speak your mind. I want your wildfires, and obscenities. I want your passion, and priorities. Protect what's yours. I'll defend what's ours. Let us fight against routines and bad habits, and anything typical. And don't you dare quit. Not on us, not on yourself. God help the person who threatens us. Forgive me when I let you down, but don't ever overlook it, or allow it. We're all insecure about something. Show me yours. We're all terrified sometimes. Turn to me. People come in and out of my life so often and easily that I just look for a love that stays. I don't mind your blemishes or scars. I have a few of my own. Dont be another flash in the pan. Falling for me will be easy. Staying with me will be impossible. But you deserve a love that most people don…


Life sucks. And people leave. You die a little more inside. And you try a little harder next time. But you know, somewhere in the bottom of your heart, you just know. That this, too, shall come to an end someday. And you feel stubborn. More dejected. You become a little more unmanageable. You begin to put up more fight. You act more and more like a fucking bitch. You go back to your room. You fall back into your bed. You cry. You cry harder. You hope harder. You fight harder. You become more defiant. Only with the hope that someday there will be someone who will have enough balls to fight back. He will push back and return all your craziness with his own imperfect affection. And your brokenness will fit with each other’s like two missing pieces of one giant puzzle. And he will fucking stay. And you will no longer be so fucking alone, pathetic, fucked up, miserable in this big fucking world. And your flaws will no longer be so haunting. You will no longer punish yourself for being an …

Kurumbera Fort

Firstly, I must begin with this disclaimer that no, I did not visit Midnapore in the month of August (or as a matter of fact, ever in my life) in order to explore local history. I was sent there on office field trip. Did I not mention in my earlier post that I wanted my boss to die a horrible, violent death? However, every cloud has a silver lining and my silver lining came in the form of a fifteenth century fort amidst the cloud of getting stuck in thorn bushes while trying to cross a muddy stretch of road in a remote village.

A large part of Midnapore was still flooded so most of the places were inaccessible to us. It was by sheer coincidence we visited this part of the district where the fort was situated. The name of the place had first popped up during my desperate google search for places to see in this godforsaken land. After six hours’ journey and back to a remote village, a mild ankle sprain and near dehydration in maddening heat the half an hour spent at this obscure piece …


vNot blogging makes me fidgety with guilt. Yet scary words like stress, grief, depression have such crippling effect they leave one gasping for air let alone sit and play with words.
vI hate rural Bengal. Or as a matter of fact, rural India. The paddy field, the log huts, the posters of B grade movie, hair cutting saloon with bollywood hero’s face on the signboard, the absence of taxis and blue-yellow public buses, the curious gaze of people. You name it and I despise it.
vI don’t feel the same surge of excitement standing on Howrah platform as much as I feel at the departure gate of Netaji Subhas Airport. I might be a snob.
vA new movie song is showing the smalltown hero is stalking his crush and clicking her pictures without her knowledge.  No wonder our Indian men find it so hard to take no for an answer. And then somehow ‘I have a boyfriend’ line becomes an internet troll for girls who use it as last resort to get rid of over-enthusiastic Romeos.
vSome people’s instagram accounts make…

Quote of the Week

I wish I had more friends, but people are such jerks. If you can just get most people to leave you alone, you're doing good. If you can find even one person you really like, you're lucky. And if that person can also stand you, you're really lucky.

-- Bill Watterson


The other day I was going through a newly posted album of a colleague on facebook. I usually never bother to check out what others are up to. I don’t know; my curiosity is always converging towards zero at any point of time about any individual, including people like exes. But then people like me are highly prone to making mistakes every now and then and driven by that reckless attitude I ended up looking at my colleague’s album of her newly established happy family. She looked very happy posing alongside her husband and her infant son, touchwood. She often rants at work about how her life has changed so much after having baby. Among many other incredible talents I possess this great trait of faking interest when I’m internally begging to be spared. So like other girls in the group I too pretend to appear to be absorbed in her amazing accounts of her pregnancy and post-natal days. And then I begin to contemplate.
I belong to a rare subset of people whose generic true reaction to any …


found on internet


I want you to know that I wish you to be my everything. I know the moment I would express this wish of mine the prudent people out there, the lot that are hardened by the realities of life would come charging at me. “Oh no, you can’t make a person your everything. You shouldn’t.” I know that. At least a part of me does. The part that too has faced the reality, the harshest ones. But somehow I am yet to be a hardcore, cynical person. I wonder if I could ever be. There is a type of people who are always stupid enough to keep their soft edge protected like sacred monument. And I know I would stop being whatever I am the day I would lose that soft edge. So the mellow, not-so-prudent, dreamer little girl in me wants you to be my everything. The one I would see the world with. The one I would share my nonsensical thoughts with. The one who would make my toes curl. The one who would admonish me when I am being unreasonable and bad. The one that would always be the first and the most ardent o…

Quote of the Week

Among other things, you'll find that you're not the first person who was ever confused and frightened and even sickened by human behavior. You're by no means alone on that score, you'll be excited and stimulated to know. Many, many men have been just as troubled morally and spiritually as you are right now. Happily, some of them kept records of their troubles. You'll learn from them - if you want to. Just as someday, if you have something to offer, someone will learn something from you. It's a beautiful reciprocal arrangement. And it isn't education. It's history. It's poetry.
-- J. D. Salinger | The Catcher in the Rye


Overhyped. Overpriced. Pretentiously small portion of food. Dessert was fantastic though. Could be counted as an overall good experience if someone else paid the bill.

Manali/6: Rumsu

No matter how much I plan before a trip it’s always the unplanned part that turns out to be the most unforgettable. I did plan for Thava. I did plan to sit in the balcony of Naggar Castle looking out at Kullu valley. But I did not plan for Rumsu.
After our visit to the village where they worshipped Raja Bali and Rishi Jamadagni we returned to castle by afternoon. The rest of the day was still unplanned and since it was our last day in DevBhumi we were determined to utilize it to the optimum. We chose to skip lunch and went out again after a little rest. The castle had a guide map of Naggar with nearby tourist points mentioned on it. There we found the name of Rumsu. Upon enquiring we reckoned that Rumsu was a village nearby that had traditional houses and ancient temples. It was already afternoon and I wasn’t feeling too ambitious after our tryst in the morning so we first decided to visit the art gallery nearby.

Nicholas Roerich was a Russian painter, explorer, writer, philosopher (…