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Showing posts from August, 2017

Current Mood

The other day my friend D was lamenting how badly she wanted to say 'fuck you' to someone. It was one of those soul sisters moments for us when she was expressing my wish through her words. In fact the urge to utter those two words into one awesome phrase is so high in me these days that I am avoiding human contact as much as possible. Colleagues, random GoT spoilers spreading bastards, the girl who won't stop bragging about her recent admission to Presidency University, opportunist nri housewife trying hard to prove she is a crossbreed between Oprah and Erin Brockovich with a dollop of Taslima Nasreen. I am constantly being reminded of that iconic sequence from the movie Behind Enemy Lines. Life is hardly medieval battle drama for us that we would go about decapitating anyone who pisses us off. And I don't even have a dragon to do the nasty work on my behalf.

Thoughts of the Moment

vI didn’t read a single book during the first quarter of 2017. Now I am in a race against time to make up for the loss. Happiness makes one unproductive at times. It does to me at least. It takes some turmoil, some pain in order to bring out the best in me. So I am on a reading marathon now. I am keeping my head immersed in the mystical world of written words during my lazy afternoons, my tired evenings, and those long, silent, sleepless nights. That’s probably the best way to keep the cacophony of the throbbing silence away that is pecking at the inner walls of my brain all the fucking time. I had an initial target of three books per month. Now I am on the twelfth book of this year.
vYesterday I went to attend a family function with my mother. I would usually fake my death rather than getting stuck in a place surrounded by relatives. But this was a memorial ceremony so even my most clever excuses would have sounded insensitive. So I went. It wasn’t so bad though. Even though I realise…

Quote of the Week

My gripe is not with lovers of the truth but with truth herself. What succor, what consolation is there in truth, compared to a story? What good is truth, at midnight, in the dark, when the wind is roaring like a bear in the chimney? When the lightning strikes shadows on the bedroom wall and the rain taps at the window with its long fingernails? No. When fear and cold make a statue of you in your bed, don't expect hard-boned and fleshless truth to come running to your aid. What you need are the plump comforts of a story. The soothing, rocking safety of a lie.

-- Diane Setterfield | The Thirteenth Tale

International Dog Day

Many wonder how come a misanthrope like me could shower so much love for you guys. I reply, because humans don’t deserve it. You guys do.
God didn't give you a long life span as of humans. This earthly life is full of suffering and sorrow and god needs you badly on the other side of that rainbow bridge. And even in that short span of time you touch so many lives and teach them how to love unconditionally. We, humans, with all that impurities in our heart would never be able to love like that. So we bring you home and try to give our life some meaning, some purpose.
My life started with one of you guys. He was my uncle, my grandmother’s fourth son. He used to sit guarding over his infant niece under my grandmother’s supervision. I was fourteen when he left us. He is only a memory now in those black and white pictures clicked by my other uncle; sitting proudly in every group photo as just another member of one big family that broke into pieces long back. After him I have met many o…

Battle of B's

Of all the places on internet where time is a lost concept I spend (or waste?) a shamefully considerable amount of time on Pinterest and Tumblr. My interests vary on a day to day basis and it solely depends on my state of mind on that day. So it could be anything from fashion week street style to the latest Game of Thrones memes to articles on Vajrayana to zodiac signs. I usually steer clear of recipes and DIY projects – not my forte. So the other day while wasting another precious evening off the book of my life I stumbled across this discussion on Tumblr. Beauty vs. brain. Or if there is really a vs. there in between. Of course those nerdy, uber-cool Tumblr girls did not disappoint me. As always they punched the apparent trade-off between physical beauty and intellectual quotient into oblivion with their witty, sarcastic comebacks. It felt good.
During my tenure at a B school of Calcutta I had a colleague who once shared an illustration (not by her) on facebook. Three rows of ident…

The Thirteenth Tale

The main reason behind my inconsistency of reading is my slippery mind. My attention span is so small and erratic that I am always having a hard time about sticking to one task at a time. It is always fleeting from one interest to another, creating a pattern that is undecipherable to me as well. As a result I am always struggling to finish a book in time. And there is the catch. It took me exactly three days (or to be more precise, three long nights) to finish this book. I usually don’t get time to read a book during daytime. Or there is too much chaos in light that thwarts my concentration. So when everyone else sleeps I read.

The Thirteenth Tale is a Gothic novel by Diane Setterfield that was published back in 2006. I first came across it while browsing on Goodreads quite a while ago. Then it remained forgotten in my long list of ‘to read’ waiting to be remembered someday. Eventually that day came. The Thirteenth Tale has two central characters. Two women. One young, one old and dy…

Quote of the Week

A witch ought never to be frightened in the darkest forest... because she should be absolutely certain in the depths of her soul that the most terrifying thing in the forest was her.

-- found on tumblr (by slytherinnheadgirl)

Nothing

When all else fails Go back Go back where it all started Stay there Lie on the grass Look at the sky You will realize That you were never alone How the constellations Were looking after you All along Then try to read Their open book And you will see How they have maintained The journal of your Each tear And laughter How they have painted The whole sky With your colours And then give in Give in to the trees To the earth To the sky To the stars Shed your clothes
Shed your name Become nothing You will find everything You have been looking for This whole time.

Jhargram Unfinished

Wherever I go, whatever I experience there is one thought that is always in my mind along with other fleeting ones. Will I be able to blog about this? Well yes, I take blogging way too seriously, even though it is not my profession (read I do not earn a single penny from blabbering crap here). During my entire stay in the miserable town of Midnapore I tried very hard to experience everything with utmost optimism so that I could come back and tell stories about it. Human mind has its own way of processing things and memories can more or less always be recalled with a certain degree of detachment and sometimes with humour. So now when I look back at the events I can reminisce in a more amusing tone. But don’t mistake it with my actual state of mind when I was living those incidents.
I had a lot of expectations about our day trip to Jhargram. I was eager to see the beauty of forest in monsoon. I wanted to follow the trail through the woods that wound down to the bank of Dulung River. I …

Quote of the Week

I lied and said I was busy. I was busy; but not in a way most people understand. I was busy taking deeper breaths. I was busy silencing irrational thoughts. I was busy calming a racing herat. I was busy telling myself I am okay. Sometimes, this is my busy, and I will not apologize for it.

-- Brittin Oakman

The Love Room

Lately the general mood on my blog had been too heavy and serious. I had to break it. So here goes the post that I have been meaning to publish for a while but somehow it was getting delayed. I am perhaps the only blogger in the world who could visit a place and then blog about it three months later. In my defence I utter the same cliché. Better late than never.
I first came to know about this place from a friend. The Love Room is Calcutta's first pet friendly cafe. The two owners of the cafe have nine dogs who are the USP of the place. There is a separate place for the pets here where they roam freely and play with the visitors.
The day we visited we got to meet Igor the husky, Tipsy the terrier (?) and I don't remember the name of the little ball of fur who was more interested in taking naps than mingling with the crowd. I tell you, that's my spirit animal. Tipsy seemed more interested in male visitors and his apparent favourite activity was to hump on their legs.
The f…

Catharsis

I have Generalised Anxiety Disorder. I suffer from terrible insecurity and the fear of being persecuted by people around me. The fear has grown so stronger over the years (not to mention how many times it got validated on several occasions) that I no longer trust people. So much that I feel even scared to maintain my own diary. So blogging helps. This is a kind of virtual diary where I can talk freely yet not spill out all the secrets. Life is not easy for people like us. Especially in a country or society where you are not considered as sick unless you have a terminal disease. Even viral fever will bring you empathy and attention. But go and tell people that you have Borderline Personality Disorder so your emotional quotient is like a third degree burn patient and you will see how the stares turn suspicious. They will go home and discuss at night what a scary crazy person you are. But somehow over the years I have started to become more unabashed about who I am. I am on my way to le…

Quote of the Week

Don't fall in love with me. Not unless you're ready for a God damn fight. I don't want frailty, or fiction and fairy tales. I want you to be irrational, because I'm irrational. Be bold. Speak your mind. I want your wildfires, and obscenities. I want your passion, and priorities. Protect what's yours. I'll defend what's ours. Let us fight against routines and bad habits, and anything typical. And don't you dare quit. Not on us, not on yourself. God help the person who threatens us. Forgive me when I let you down, but don't ever overlook it, or allow it. We're all insecure about something. Show me yours. We're all terrified sometimes. Turn to me. People come in and out of my life so often and easily that I just look for a love that stays. I don't mind your blemishes or scars. I have a few of my own. Dont be another flash in the pan. Falling for me will be easy. Staying with me will be impossible. But you deserve a love that most people don…

Because..

Life sucks. And people leave. You die a little more inside. And you try a little harder next time. But you know, somewhere in the bottom of your heart, you just know. That this, too, shall come to an end someday. And you feel stubborn. More dejected. You become a little more unmanageable. You begin to put up more fight. You act more and more like a fucking bitch. You go back to your room. You fall back into your bed. You cry. You cry harder. You hope harder. You fight harder. You become more defiant. Only with the hope that someday there will be someone who will have enough balls to fight back. He will push back and return all your craziness with his own imperfect affection. And your brokenness will fit with each other’s like two missing pieces of one giant puzzle. And he will fucking stay. And you will no longer be so fucking alone, pathetic, fucked up, miserable in this big fucking world. And your flaws will no longer be so haunting. You will no longer punish yourself for being an …

Kurumbera Fort

Firstly, I must begin with this disclaimer that no, I did not visit Midnapore in the month of August (or as a matter of fact, ever in my life) in order to explore local history. I was sent there on office field trip. Did I not mention in my earlier post that I wanted my boss to die a horrible, violent death? However, every cloud has a silver lining and my silver lining came in the form of a fifteenth century fort amidst the cloud of getting stuck in thorn bushes while trying to cross a muddy stretch of road in a remote village.


A large part of Midnapore was still flooded so most of the places were inaccessible to us. It was by sheer coincidence we visited this part of the district where the fort was situated. The name of the place had first popped up during my desperate google search for places to see in this godforsaken land. After six hours’ journey and back to a remote village, a mild ankle sprain and near dehydration in maddening heat the half an hour spent at this obscure piece …